These past two months have been a journey of getting to know myself at a deeper level. Through my professional coaching I dove deeper into my personality and my talents to figure out what work settings I could persevere in. There are days I am still battling my disappointment and broken dreams. Yet again, I am constantly reminded of the blessings all around me and my talents that will find its place. No doubt my teaching job in Brussels has been the biggest confrontation in my life so far, though necessary to learn more about myself. I have been going to singing lessons and I am learning to read notes at a nearby music academy every Monday evening. For years, I had wished to develop this talent but never got down to it since I was too busy with my university career. It seems that in order to finally appreciate this gift, I had to sail against the wind up to a point where I lost track of myself and had to turn my back on a course for which I was not ready yet. Years ago, I had already attended the academy for a try-out lesson but immediately bailed out on it because I was unaware of its importance for developing your singing and my parents did not force me. Now, fast-forward fourteen years, I returned and find comfort in it. Just like a sailing ship cannot make headway sailing directly into the wind, so did I try to follow different courses that didn’t lead me anywhere. I lost sight of who I am and what I could do for the people around me at present, solely fixing my eyes on what I wanted and where I wanted to be. Wrestling with your very own spirit is one of the most tiring storms in life. Though I've always known that I am loved by God, I needed to learn to be kinder to myself and to lay every wish, doubt and fear of the future in his hands. I am learning to be thankful for what I have and accept the situation I am in, aware of the fact that I am at an crossroads in life, a stage in life where there is an important decision to make regarding the future. Once you graduate, you need to try different directions as there is not always a clear indication on which road to take. A direction can take the ship on a stormy journey and its sails are in danger of being torn apart. Giving up is often regarded as something negative but a new friend of mine told me that you can’t give what you don’t have. If your sails are not fit to face a certain weather, you should follow another course. As I was talking to my sweet English aunt over the phone one evening, I explained her my analogy with the ship. She is an amazing writer and has written several books. I told her that my ship is in the doldrums. She said, “well, when you are stuck in the doldrums where there is no wind directing the way, do not reef your sails in. Keep them hoisted, always ready to catch a new wind. Do not throw the anchor overboard and hide away in the cabin.” Giving up only happens when you deny Jesus to be your strong foundation, who provides for us in our needs, having paved the way to God in heaven. HE alone is the WAY, the truth and the life (John 14:6). In the last week of October, my Romanian cousins visited. I had the best time with these teenage girls, which wouldn’t have been possible if I had still been teaching. We even had the chance to see Lauren Daigle in concert. Though it had been already sold out, I had managed to buy three tickets from people who couldn’t make it anymore. Thank you Jesus! What a confirmation of his care and a reminder that he is in control, no matter where you come from and no matter how unknown the days ahead are. Accept the doldrums you’re in and be thankful for what you can learn through it. Let's leave it at that for now :) I will probably keep writing every two months or so! There are many hidden islands in the unknown sea and I am happy to share my discoveries. Lauren Daigle (31/10) - Botanique
2 Comments
William
12/4/2019 09:06:22 pm
Redirection is by nature confrontational. When we are stopped and then we are unsure, we are becoming more dependent. Dependence is the goal in the daily life of a true disciple of Jesus. Either we make ourselves dependent on Jesus or he makes us dependent.
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Suzanna
12/5/2019 02:58:45 am
Amen! Thank you for this
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